when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
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Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
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Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm like, not good at living.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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