Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
