No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
