So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i've created a new STD.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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