I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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