trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
