i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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