I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
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you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
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Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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