I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We need to get me chipped asap
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
