I must be too annoying 4 u.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
