i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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