you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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