Kiss
Puke
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
