Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
