I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
