The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
