I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can feel your judgement through the phone
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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