we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
