So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
