I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
