I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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