the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
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He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
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I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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