So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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