Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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