My nipple is on Facebook.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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