i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He has the fingertips of a God
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