when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Of course I have a pirate flag
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
