Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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