do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
