k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You need Xanax blowdarts
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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