We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Every concussion has its silver lining
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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