Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
the liver wants what the liver wants
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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