this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
