we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
