So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
