Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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