Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
