Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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