i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
