I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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