hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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