i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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