I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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