sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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