jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
