I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
