So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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