Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize