I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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