I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
