I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just cropdusted the office
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
