True but thats because hes a fetus.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
