Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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