Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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