ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
