No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i already hear my dad disowning me
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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