Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
