does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
