thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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