My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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