But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
