i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
