Too much gin, very little bucket
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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