eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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