How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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