Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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