We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
