wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
