grandma shit on top of the toilet
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
