i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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