decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I forget how to act sober
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
