I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We were destined to go to rehab together
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
