i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My ass is underappreciated
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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