You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
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Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
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Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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