I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
